Ineffably Britney

Britney is causing a stir again, this time with her actual music. This probably comes as both a shock and a disappointment to poor Britters, and I’m sure if she only knew that her new song might be deemed controversial she would never have released it.

The song is called ‘If You Seek Amy’, but, oh, it’s not about seeking a girl named Amy; it’s about spelling. ‘If You Seek Amy’ spells ‘if U-C-K me’. Well, it does when I say it. Because Britney is a slack-mouthed drawling hick, her ’if’s sound like ‘effs’, thus completing the riddle. In her last hit, the generously reviewed ‘Womaniser’, she said ‘woman’ like she was an SS captain expressing contempt for ‘vermin’.

If you’re wondering how subtly deployed this little spelling puzzle is in the new song, you may be in for a shocking disappointment. The line is, “All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy”, with that last part spat out at the end with all the subtletly and grace of a crash test dummy slamming against a wall. In her ongoing quest to find out what her talent is, Britney can now strike ‘meter’ off the list.

Interesting to note that, now no-one in their right mind expresses any sexual interest in the mentally dislocated first lady of dirt eaters, she now thinks both men and women want to sleep with her because both are treating her with the same skittish dread. The poor girl is deranged beyond all help, and might better have called the song, ‘If You Seek Edie’.

(As punchlines go, that one slightly falls apart under scrutiny, so please just chuckle and move along.)


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