Idol: God, The Devil and Kris

American Idol is down to just three. Despite a performance so awful as to have already become notorious, Danny Gokey has survived, and poor Allison Iraheta has been given the boot. We now know that whatever Danny does, the judges will praise him and people will vote for him. As a consequence, we now have the first all-male top three in Idol history.

Last week’s final four saw two rock kids go up against two Christian music kids. It was a mini-referendum, and rock lost (and most of Allison’s votes should now go to Adam). If Kris goes home this week, as expected, we’ll have a final two of such blatant symbolism that the punditry will explode with glee.


In the Red State corner: Danny Gokey. Church ‘worship director’. Tragic widower. Loves Jesus and talks a lot about heaven. His performances show a complete lack of imagination. He never does anything the least bit subversive or original.

In the Blue State corner: Adam Lambert. Musical theatre performer. Blatant homosexual. Loves eyeliner and lives in California. His performances showcase his tremendous range and presence. He is inventive, magnetic and shameless.

Stuck in the middle: Poor Kris Allen, a good-looking lad who has become the dark horse contender this year, but who realistically is expected to end his journey this week in the face of the warring fanbases digging trenches either side of him.

People hate Danny Gokey. They hate him because he’s dull. They hate him because he’s smug. They hate him because they’ve seen him dance, and, oh dear God, no-one should ever have to see him dance. They hate him because he auditioned with his friend Jamar, and Jamar was better but didn’t get through. They hate him because he gets praised by the judges every week despite being the musical equivalent of gruel.


Mostly they hate him because, thirty days after his wife died unexpectedly from complications in surgery, he auditioned for this reality TV show. He also wept to the producers and sent them footage of his wedding day so they could tell his story. Then he gave a friend a photo of his wife to hold up during one of his performances. He has repeatedly made gestures of remembrance for his dead wife, or chosen manipulative songs like Hero, Jesus Take The Wheel, What Hurts the Most and Endless Love. He has exploited his wife’s death to win votes in a popularity contest, and that’s sickening.

And people love him, of course. He’s the only contestant this year never to have been in the bottom three, and, most times, that’s the contestant who wins. The judges love him; he’s the only contestant to get good comments every week without fail. Christian conservatives surely love him. He’s a good church-going boy, and he’s struggling on through the grief and hardship of his wife’s tragic death to become a success; an example of what a person can achieve with God on their side, no matter what life throws at them. And he dresses sensibly and talks politely and never tries to scare the horses. He’s intensely nonthreatening and middle-of-the-road. He’s Billy Joel.

People also hate Adam Lambert. They hate him because he shrieks and screeches. They hate him because he’s arrogant. They hate him because he’s over-the-top. They mostly hate him because he’s gay.


That’s probably not fair to his critics. It is in theory possible to hate Adam Lambert for reasons other than his gayness, but in most cases I think what people object to is his… flamboyance. His theatricality. His loud, proud and unapologetic sense of self. His… how can I put this? His gayness. Even a lot of gay people hate his gayness, but it was ever thus. No queen likes to be out-queened, and Adam Lambert is the queen bitch in charge.

And people love Adam Lambert. Win or lose this competition, he’s a phenomenon like this show has never seen before; an Idol who already sells records, already sets the media afire, and already appears on magazine covers even before the contest has ended. But if he does win, then change has come to America.

Adam Lambert is secretly a handsome and wholesome pop star, but he’s also a subversive godless sinner. He sneers and writhes and glowers. He’s sleazy and sexual. It’s all in a safe, cartoon way, but still it’s all there. I’m sure there are people in the midwest who refuse to accept or even consider that he’s gay, but he remains a totem of gayness. It doesn’t matter if they don’t accept that Adam Lambert is gay; if America votes for Adam Lambert, they have already de facto embraced the gay.

Adam is the salvation! He is the promised gay messiah. Perhaps Adam is actually the new face of the divine, and menacing wife-slayer Danny is the devil preaching scripture?


On to tonight’s performances:

Danny’s first song tonight, chosen by Paula Abdul, is Terence Trent D’Arby’s Dance Little Sister. If it has a melody, you wouldn’t know it. It sounds like a coffee grinder that’s been left to run with nothing in it.

Kris Allen’s song, picked by the count-as-one-choice budget judges Randy and Kara, is Apologise by OneRepublic; a popular contemporary ballad that fits well with the sort of soft radio hit you’d expect from Kris. Kris breaks out the grand piano in a bid to impress. It’s a fairly heartless performance, and Kris isn’t actually at his swoony best here - some of the low notes are too low, and he’s not entirely comfortable with the falsetto. But it’s better and more interesting than Gokey.

Adam Lambert is the chosen contestant, so of course Simon Cowell picks his song (and Simon has come right out and said he thinks Adam will win). The song is One by U2, which Simon tells us he personally got Bono’s permission for, because Simon is all-powerful. This is Adam’s ‘nude’ performance of the night - less make-up, no costume, lots of raw emotion. It’s an arrangement I’ve never heard before, and it’s impressive. The boy has an amazing voice.

Danny’s second song, chosen by himself, is You Are So Beautiful, by his soundalike Joe Cocker. No effort required there. He sings on a stool, with a string quartet. The song is actually a little quiet, a little delicate, for his voice, but when he gets into it it’s the same competent piano bar rendition we’ve come to expect. I simply can’t imagine anyone going out of their way to hear this man sing. Interestingly, Kara praises his second performance as if she had criticised his first performance. But she hadn’t!

Kris Allen comes back with Heartless by Kanye West. Two contemporary songs, Kris? This is unprecedented! And he’s singing with just a guitar! Which he’s playing! Playing two instruments in one night is also unprecedented. It’s a delightfully upbeat performance, great fun to listen to (and a bit incongruous given what the song is about), and probably the best he’s ever been. Great stuff.

Adam’s song choice is Aerosmith’s Crying. In two words; it rocks. It’s not actually as extravagant as I was expecting it to be. He must be saving something huge for next week.

So is Adam Lambert going to be in the final? It would be the biggest shock in the show’s eight seasons if he didn’t make it. Is Danny going to be there? Almost certainly. But I’ve been hoping to see him sent home for weeks now, and this week is no different. An Adam/Kris final would be a wonderful thing. But Jesus wants a Danny/Kris final, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint Jesus.

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8 Responses to “Idol: God, The Devil and Kris”

  1. Theosticles Says:

    “He’s intensely nonthreatening and middle-of-the-road. HE’S BILLY JOEL. Really? Where were you when Joel’s ‘Only The Good Die Young’ was banned by the Catholic church and all of its nationwide radio stations? Where were you when ‘Captain Jack’ began being played by late-night progressive FM radio and conservative columnists and commentators condemned Billy Joel and his ’subversive’ music. Where were you when Billy joel played the first live concerts by an American recording artist in the Soviet Union in 50 years - and the walls came tumbling down? Where were you when ‘Christmas in Fallujah’ was boycotted by the neo-con organizations and the right-wing propaganda machine? You think you know Rock and Roll? And you think you know because you watch ‘American Idol’? Let me tell you something - you don’t know JACK SHIT.

  2. Helen Says:

    Adam’s version of One made my skin prickle. He totally deserves to win. Did you see at the end, Simon turned to Paula and clearly says, “there’s your winner”. I would go and watch the Gokey one, but unless demons are skating in hell, I know how it goes and it’s boring.

  3. Helen Says:

    Just watched Adam do ‘Crying’ - surely all the Rock heartland will vote for him. I could practically see the big hair. In a totally good way! Argh! I wish I could watch the final live.

  4. Andrew Says:

    Thosticles: I think I was either a baby or not born yet for a fair chunk of that. I guess it was really easy to be subversive in the 70s? I was around for the fall of Communism, though, and I don’t remember Billy Joel getting the credit for that. Things change. Yesterday’s renegade is today’s MOR soft rocker.

    It must be hard being a Billy Joel fan.

  5. Andrew Says:

    Helen: You should watch Kris’s Heartless as well. It’s the first time I’ve felt compelled to re-watch a performance by anyone other than Adam on the morning after. It was terrific.

  6. Theosticles Says:

    To Andrew - No, it’s very easy to be a Billy Joel fan. His music is very good. Some things never change. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to be subversive now than it was in the 70’s. It must be hard to be a fan of anything these days.

  7. Marysia Kay Says:

    American Idol, officially more controversial than gay rights.

  8. Will Says:

    This flaming homosexual resents the claim that homophobia is the main reason why people hate Adam Lambert. I find, as do most of my gay friends, his voice to be like nails on a chalkboard. I think his performances are not flamboyant, but actually fairly boring and repetitive in their manufactured histrionics. I see no heart and soul there, just a second-rate theatre performer (there’s a reason he never actually made it to Broadway).

    I know that I’m outnumbered here, and I’m totally fine with most people disagreeing with me. If people actually find his voice appealing and his performances fresh, so be it. I’m just bothered by the suggestion that my perception is driven by some sort of self-loathing homophobia. It’s getting kind of old.

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